What happens if you ask a neural network to make a film about the friendship between a robot and a child? ‘M3GAN’ will tell you.

M3GAN is your best friend, your wise but unobtrusive mentor. M3GAN is your titanium, sleepless protector. “M3GAN” is an unbearably dull creation of artificial intelligence from the world of cinema.

The adoptive father of modern B+ horror – Jason Blum – is back in the saddle (though when was he ever off it?). The formula for success of “M3GAN” is simple: hire horror guru James Wan as producer, have hit screenwriter of “Hell Fest” (2018) and (2021) Akela Cooper write the story, and hand the director's chair to TV-no-name Gerard Johnstone. And, of course, invest responsibly in a flashy advertising campaign, because if you didn't make it on TikTok, you might as well not have existed.

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The one responsible for going viral on TikTok is M3GAN herself — a model-like android doll with self-learning artificial intelligence

Such a prototype of a future toy priced like a Tesla. Engineer at the local “Hasbro”, Gemma (wooden but wonderful Allison Williams), shifts onto it the suddenly thrust-upon responsibility for her ten-year-old niece Cady after her sister's death. And at first, both are pleased: Gemma can focus on work again, and Cady gets a best friend and parent in one. But then — violation of all robotics laws, injuries to those around, and an unexpected reference to “Real Steel”.

“M3GAN” hides the “career vs. family” conflict under the hood of a teen-rated horror flick about a rogue AI, but it fails to succeed either at the level of statement or in the inventiveness of scares. The film looks as if it were created by a neural network: everything by the rules, but stripped to the bone. The actors go through the motions, Violet McGraw (Cady) in some scenes even channels Tommy Wiseau in his prime.

The role of M3GAN was split between two girls, and the entire choreography rests on them. The rubbery android runs on all fours frighteningly, deals with meat bags inventively and cold-bloodedly, and dances its way into the trends of the aforementioned TikTok. The result of all this is box office earnings ten times the budget and an instant greenlight for a sequel.

One can only hope that in version 2.0, the developers will iron out the bugs.