We tell you whether it’s worth spending time on the film “Assault on Rio Bravo,” the new brainchild of the almighty (in his own opinion) Alexander Nevsky.

Last week, various film-related internet resources periodically surfaced news about the new movie “Assault on Rio Bravo”: at one moment the film suddenly topped Kinopoisk’s charts, then its rating was reset, then the lead actor and producer Alexander Nevsky complained that he and his colleague James Cameron had fallen victim to Russian pirates. But does this film deserve such close attention? Or is it just another low-quality piece that only gives others a reason to compete in wit, and in a couple of weeks everyone will forget about it?

Grand Prince Alexander Nevsky once won the Battle on the Ice. His self-proclaimed namesake, who adopted such a resonant pseudonym and possesses a collection of equally resonant titles, decided to win a battle in the Wild West. But whether the ordinary viewer will benefit from this tireless muscleman-craftsman’s venture is a big question. And there is an answer: this film is a great opportunity to spend 80 minutes of your life pleasantly, simply by refusing to watch it.

Films with Alexander Nevsky have long become synonymous with bad cinema. If the medieval poet, author of “The Divine Comedy,” Dante Alighieri lived in our time and had any interest in film, his new version of hell would surely have a circle where sinners (say, jokers who inflate the ratings of unworthy films) would have Nevsky’s timeless works playing on loop day and night. This would not be in the last circles of hell, where Uwe Boll and Sarik Andreasyan have long reserved their spots, but the sixth circle would certainly deserve such punishment. However, knowing Mr. Nevsky’s vanity, he would likely organize his own hell, claiming all circles and all possible titles from “Best Demon of the Month” to “Mr. Lucifer of the Universe.” But… what if his new film “Assault on Rio Bravo” isn’t so bad after all?

It would seem that making a western with a small budget is a sound idea. With a script featuring a limited number of characters, sets don’t require large investments, and costumes won’t cost much either, so most of the budget could go into writing that very script, adding some money for the director to ensure he doesn’t slack off, and using the change to take acting lessons. But the plan fails at the very first point.

Nevsky’s recent films have been attempts to replicate the success of Sylvester Stallone’s “The Expendables,” only instead of forgotten A-list action stars, Alexander took B-list stars and below. From his usual cronies, only Olivier Gruner and Matthias Hues remain, names that likely mean nothing to the average viewer. The balance in acting, forgive me, is completely off—some actors overact, others underact, and those trying to do something decent in this film have to stoop to the level of their colleagues.

The script of “Assault on Rio Bravo” does not shine with originality—but that’s not required (especially since the film is a remake). The title (the word “Assault” was removed from the English title at the last moment, replaced with “Showdown”) hints at a reference to John Carpenter’s cult classic “Assault on Precinct 13,” where a mob of armed thugs storms a police station to get to their leader.

Here, the building is replaced by a small late-19th-century town; otherwise, the plot remains unchanged—a notorious bandit is brought to the settlement, and his numerous gang storms the town to free their invaluable leader, with a brave hero standing in their way. However, this only happens in the last 15 minutes of the film.

The rest of “Assault on Rio Bravo” is given over to rare slow-motion shootouts and pompous, meaningless dialogues that would make a normal person screech like a wild meerkat. One might assume the authors were inspired by the classic western “High Noon,” taking its leisurely model for their own plot development, but such assumptions are unsupported by any evidence.

There is also no sense of scale: a whole crowd of bandits circles around five houses that make up the entire set—this looks rather strange, though that expression certainly applies to the whole film. And you don’t need to be an expert in the fashion of that era to realize that the characters’ clothing looks inauthentic and, at times, has such garish colors that even the colorizers of “Seventeen Moments of Spring” would envy them.

The best thing about the film, for which we want to thank the authors, is its runtime. This entire cowboy bacchanalia lasts only 1 hour and 20 minutes, with the last five minutes being the most interesting and informative for the viewer. You can save time by skipping to the final credits and just listening to the story about the real-life prototype of the main character—a Russian immigrant officer who actively participated in the American Civil War. Then, appreciate the attempt to turn this film into a horror movie—the final slide says that Nevsky’s hero will return in a sequel, and such news would frighten even the most resilient viewer.